The thing is the heat. It's been very very hot. I'm so grateful for air conditioning. I stay inside a lot. 

But, I try to take at least one walk every day. Even if it's hot. I love walking. I used to live in Cambridge. 

Walking in the city of Cambridge was wonderful. The shops, the people, young people everywhere, the 

gardens, beautiful gardens everywhere...I loved it. I walked and walked And there were so many streets to 

walk, different ones every day. Now I live in a pretty suburb. There are trees and birds. There aren't a lot 

of people walking. And there aren't many shops or cafe's or gardens. Not like there were in Cambridge. 

So it's lonelier. The energy of the city was rejuvenating and inspring. The energy in the suburbs is quiet, 

lonelier, quieter. It's harder  to make friends in the suburbs unless you are a member of something. A club, 

a tennis group, a yoga group, a knitting group, an environmental group, a theatre. I'm not a member of 

anything right now. I've been in the theatre all my adult life but I'm no longer an active participant. So the 

heat keeps me in. And I write lists. Lots of lists : practice the piano, write, exercise, do yoga, meditate, 

clean out closets, give away stuff, clean the stove, do laundry, swiff the bedroom, vacuum the living 

room, clean out the basement, read a book, etc. I do some of what's on the list but I don't often get to the 

piano or the books or yoga or meditation very often. I'd rather go out and walk. But the heat. So I wait till 

it's 5 pm and go walking once the bright hot sun has lessened. The new item on the list is contact the 

senior center (I assume "senior" means over 55 yrs) and see what is going on there. Or contact the local 

church to inquire about their activities. 

What I would like? A dance class for "seniors" -  meaning people with back problems. Something with 

music! Or maybe an art class.There is an art studio on my list. See more friends. My friends are 

still very busy with their work so that's a challenge. With age and heat, these are the challenges. I throw 

away or give away an item or two a day so that if I ever move again, due to age issues, I  have less stuff. I 

like to give things that mean a lot to me to my children or my nieces...to the younger generation so that 

it's still in the family. And the items that don't mean much to me I give to Bootstraps for them to re sell. 

It's an interesting time. Giving away things is like preparing for the end stage. And hopefully the end 

stage won't come for a long time but in the meantime the house will be lighter, cleaner, and there's be 

more space. With less things I feel lighter and brighter. And more able to get on with the next phase. 

Whatever that might be. I have a father who is 25 yrs older than me. I try to walk with him every 

chance I get. He lives nearby which was one of the reasons for moving out of Cambridge. Him and of 

course, my darling grandchildren. The grandchildren have grown up and my father ages by the day. 

So I'm glad to be here, to be near the family. I'm grateful. My wonderful son renovated this condo and 

made it cozy and clean and just perfect. So how lucky am I ! I intend to stay here for a long time and 

if stairs become a problem, I'll sleep in the living room. Time to sleep. Sweet dreams. 

 I haven't posted for a long time. Long long time. I think the last time was when my beautiful grandson was born. He's ten yrs old now. And he has a beautiful sister who is 7 yrs old. And a step-sister who is 9 yrs old. So the family has grown. Not only have they grown, I've grown...older. And it's a new phase of life. I'm slowly, very slowly, getting used to it. I go through phases. I miss my younger self and all the energy and people. I miss people whom I loved who have died. I miss the grandchildren as babies. And my children when we all played together. But my children have wonderful, happy lives and this makes me happy. And so grateful. Now I have to figure out my life. Now. This life at this age. When we're children we have our schedules all mapped out for us in school. Then as young adults we are busy with marriage, children, work, jobs, family...lots of racing around. And this racing continues for the middle years of our adult life. It's exciting and rewarding and tiring but it has purpose and is filled not only with biological family but with professional family. Then things change. Families grow up and create their own families. Professional families move on. So there's a mourning, a grieving, for what was and a gratitude and love for what was. The challenge comes with finding a new purpose. A new professional family. A service that I can provide. I am grateful to still be teaching/coaching. I love my students and their passion and excitement and curiosity. But I feel there is something more that I'm moving towards and it's moving towards me. I don't know what exactly it is but I'm hoping I'm a magnetic for it and it will draw itself to me. Does it have to do with children ? More later. Sleep now. 

Nightmares

It's strange how on and off throughout my life I've had nightmares around "getting the job done well". About showing up. About being prepared. About doing the job. When I was in college, I had constant nightmares about not having read any of the books on the reading list and the final exam was the next day. Yikes! Or when I was acting, the recurrent nightmare all actors have, I think, about being on stage and not knowing my lines. Frozen on stage. It's happened once or twice and it was not fun. And, after years of having the privilege of teaching actors, I had a ghastly nightmare last night about missing class. I wasn't in class! I was somewhere else and I kept thinking, "I have to get to class. I have to get to class."  Not being there, with all my students waiting and waiting was a frightening feeling. Is it sub-conscious fears - could I do more?, have I done all I could do? We care so much about the people who put their trust in us, whether they are college professors, or audience members or college/grad students and I guess, maybe for all of us, there is that nagging voice "am I doing all I could do for my teacher, for my students, for my audience ?"
But then another voice comes up and says, Trust yourself. You're doing the best you can do.

Ian McKellan on Extras

I know this has been around for so long but it never ceases to amuse me. I just love it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyoWmkhRyp8

Theatre

Being in the world of  "pretend" has always given me the greatest joy and yes, the greatest escape. Whether in my bedroom as a twelve year old child pretending to be Mitzi Gaynor in South Pacific or as a 32 year old acting in a riveting story of revenge, or sitting in a theatre as a 59 year old woman watching wonderful actors singing, dancing and telling me a great story, theatre is, when done well, the best way to get away from worry and stress and be transported into a world where I, with so many others sitting beside me, can laugh, sing, cry and fall in love with the genius of actors, of singers, of dancers, of writers, of composers, of musicians....of performing arts and storytelling. Tonight I watched dear friends, and a former student (!) perform in an enchanting production of The Full Monty. I loved every minute. Last week, I took myself to see Les Miserables. It was wonderful. Last year, I took myself to see the touring company of West Side Story. I was again transported. How could those dancers do that ?!?! Their hard work and training made the experience magical. Listening to beautiful voices telling a story in song is the best. And watching what dancers can do with their bodies is stunning. I wish I could sing and dance. If I were 25 again, I'd learn. I was lucky when I was 27 to meet a wonderful acting teacher who taught me how to act. And I was lucky when I was 32 to meet an artistic director who hired me to act. And, in mid-life, I was lucky to have the privilege to work with actors on their passion and story telling.
I have been lucky to live in this world of "pretend", of storytelling, of courageous people who put themselves out on stage to give us all joy and, yes, escape from our worries and fears.

Grandson

My grandson is about to arrive ! This picture of my son, Charlie and my daughter-in-law, Isabelle, was taken on a small beach in Beverly Cove on April 10, 2012. The baby is growing bigger and due to be born in a couple of weeks. Both parents are doing great and have been blessed with lots of great baby stuff from many friends and family. On the day we took this picture, it was the third anniversary of Charlie's and Abby's (my daughter) father's death. He struggled heroically and selflessly with Alzheimer's for many many years. And died on April 10, 2009, at 3 am. We scattered his ashes on this third anniversary into the ocean where he swam every day with our dog, Jasper.